I am losing a battle to Mallomars

Lately, I've been on a junk food kick. And it's not good. I love healthy food - fruits, vegetables, whole wheats, but I want none of it right now. Instead, I'm craving Mallomars, Oreos, ice cream, cheeseburgers. Maybe it's the change in weather or maybe it's the stress that comes from no sleep and lots of work. I don't know. All I know is it is not good. Every winter, I gain about 10 pounds. This winter I vowed to myself that I would NOT to gain 10 pounds. Clearly, I'm doing great. What's more, I have no motivation whatsoever to run. Like healthy food, I normally love to run. I just can't bring myself to do it when I get home from work. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just need to get out of this rut soon.

Kurt's brother's girlfriend is walking in the 3-Day Walk for Breast Cancer and I donated last night. Looking through the website got me thinking. (warning: this gets a little personal, so feel free to skip to the next paragraph) My mom died from breast cancer when I was 14 and my sister was 9. No one else in the family has had it, which gives us hope that we'll be spared, but given that it was our mother who had it, we've been tested regularly since we were 16. I started thinking this morning about the breast cancer gene. I'm honestly not even sure I would want the test as horrible as that sounds. Something about not living in fear, and ignorance is bliss, and all that. But I do think about it a lot. It's always a topic of "what if" conversations. What if you found out you had the gene? What would you do? Would you get your breasts removed if it meant saving your life? I'm both ashamed and sorry to say that it's a difficult decision for me. Giving up my breasts to save my life. It's sounds like a pretty easy trade-off. You'd think it would be a no-brainer, right? I don't think of myself as a vain person, and it's not all about vanity - I want the experience of nursing my children. Sure, I'm worried about feeling like less of a woman and the thought of implants just grosses me out, frankly, but I realized this morning in the shower (where I have had many moments of brilliance), that it doesn't matter, that I would do it to save my life in honor of all the women who didn't have the chance to make that choice themselves. I just hope we'll find a cure so that I and every other woman will never have to make this decision.

To lighten the mood a little, here's a little update on the stripper for the bachelorette party: the stripper is officially booked. I booked him for a half hour, because let's face it, an hour is REALLY long for something like that. What could he possibly do in an hour?? It should be interesting at the very least - I'll let you know how he is after Saturday night.

On my nightstand:

I finished All We Ever Wanted Was Everything. It did get better and I did enjoy it, in the way I enjoy trashy reality TV - I want to look away, I want to hate it, but I can't and I don't. It was also about a world I really can't relate to. It's about drugs and money and sex. I've never really been into the instant gratification. In fact, this book made me realize that I really wouldn't like taking drugs. I've never done a drug in my life and have no desire to - especially after the descriptions in the book. The mother starts taking meth and says how she loves the cloudy feeling it gives her. I would HATE that cloudy feeling. Hate it. Regardless, the book is a guilty pleasure. I'm reading a manuscript now, so I can't recommend it even though I really really would. But I will recommend watching Glee. Please, please go and watch it. It's wonderful. If I thought it was possible for a person to fall in love with a TV show, I would say that I am head over heels. The singing and dancing and exaggerated plot lines make me smile the ENTIRE time I'm watching it. Please tune in on Wednesday nights. If nothing else, it'll make you smile.