Would You Rather...?

This is sort of a morbid post I guess, but bear with me (and please, to anyone who may be blind or deaf and is reading or hearing this blogpost, I mean no disrespect by this post in any way). At 3pm today, I’m having PRK Surgery which I mentioned before here (similar to Lasik). I’m excited, but very nervous. And of course reading through the bevy of risks on the consent form doesn't help.


It got me thinking. Do you remember those “would you rather” questions you used to play as a kid? Ones like “Would you rather only eat brussel sprouts for the rest of your life or have no taste buds?” I hated those questions. Since neither choice is appealing, I’d spend way too long weighing the pros and cons of each, stressing myself over a simple hypothetical. 


In anticipation of my surgery, I've been thinking about one of these questions in particular: “Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Now, I can see pros and cons to each, but I really think what you choose says a lot about what you value in everyday life. Are you musically inclined or artistically so? Are you happier seeing waves crashing on the shore, or hearing their gentle rhythm? Last night, I read for awhile, cooked myself dinner, watched a few shows from my DVR and played with the kitten. As I did all this, I reminded myself to enjoy each of these activities, you know, just in case. It got me thinking about the blind or deaf hypothetical. I, the person who loves to read, who skims decorating blogs, is addicted to Pinterest, loves photography and pretty things, if I absolutely had to choose, would choose to be deaf. Prior to yesterday, this question had me stumped, but when faced with the reality and the risks of eye surgery, when thinking of all the things I wouldn’t see again if I were to go blind, the choice became easy. A scary choice for someone about to undergo laser eye surgery that apparently has more risks than a tiger has stripes, but there it is. I would rather be deaf than blind. I would assume the majority would agree with me, but who knows. So here's my question to you Internet: Would you rather be deaf or blind? And why?

Looking Good Vs. Seeing Well

I am getting Lasik. Or rather, PRK, which is akin to Lasik. Here's a little background: I started wearing glasses in the 3rd grade and have worn contacts since I was 13 and convinced my mother after YEARS of begging to let me stick little round pieces of plastic in my eyes, (I got them the day after I got braces. It was the braces that did it in the end, I think. Glasses she saw no problem with, but glasses AND braces AND an unfortunate bob-like haircut AND the awkwardness of 13? Oh no, we couldn’t have that). I have wanted Lasik since I first heard about it years and years ago. Of course, my eyes were still changing, so I had to wait. And wait. And wait some more. I am now at the point where the astigmatism in my left eye is so bad that contacts can no longer correct my vision fully (Not to worry, Lasik still can) and my left contact moves around all day long while I pretend to ignore it.

About a month ago, Kurt found a deal on Groupon for almost 60% off Lasik at one of the most reputable Lasik places in the area. He called them to confirm and after being reassured there wasn’t anything sketchy going on (they’ll refund your money if it turns out you’re not a candidate), we bought them and made appointments for consultations. Ok, he bought his and made his appointment while I argued with myself, trying to decide if I should. My thoughts went something like this: Should I get it? I don’t think I’m a candidate. My prescription changed a TINY bit last time. But maybe it’s just because my eyes are strained because contacts don’t work anymore. Oh, screw it, I’ll never find a deal like this ever again. THEN, I bought my groupon and made my appointment.

By now, I'm sure you’re all aware that I have some issues. I don’t like people touching my neck, or my belly button (I don’t think you knew that yet). While (surprisingly) I have no qualms about touching my own eye, it creeps me out to think of a laser, a BEAM OF LIGHT, touching my bare eyeball. Actually, what I worry about is that I’ll flinch or move and the laser will blind me. That’s really what I’m worried about if I’m being completely honest. Nevertheless, I went to my appointment to find out if I’m a candidate. I expected a very lengthy, indepth testing process. This is my vision we're talking about after all. Instead, I sat in front of two machines; one of which somehow automatically focused an image to perfection to determine my prescription, the other took 50 pictures of my eye in the span of about 3 seconds to determine the thickness of my cornea.
 

(As a sidenote, my prescription is really bad. Every new eye doctor I go to, and this one was no exception, feels the need to tell me just how bad it is, as if I've never been told that before. I can see clearly 2 inches in front of my face and closer. That's it. The technicians and doctors never seem to take this into consideration. This particular technician took my glasses from me, had me take out my contacts and said, "Ok, now look at the pinwheel." "I see a white blur." "Oh, ok, well it'll become a pinwheel." Then she gave me reading material on Lasik. Because, you know, I can read it perfectly fine. I am at an eye doctor's office WITHOUT MY CONTACTS IN. I also never make eye contact with the doctors during this process because I have no idea if they're looking at me or not. So to avoid looking socially awkward, I look away...and then manage to look socially awkward because I'm NOT making any sort of eye contact. Does anyone else have this problem? Just me? Great.)

After the two incredibly technologically advanced exams (I consider myself an intelligent person, but I still don't understand how either machine does what it does), the doctor came in to speak with me. She began by telling me how bad my vision is. Really? I had no idea. As it turns out, my cornea is too thin for Lasik (who knew?), but I am a candidate for PRK. It's apparently safer, the same price, and easier for the doctor's (I don't know about you, but when I have a major surgery, I always care about how easy it will be on THE DOCTOR). So why doesn't everyone get this? Why haven't I ever heard of this procedure? There is significantly more downtime and discomfort afterward. Without going into too much gory detail, instead of making a flap like they do for Lasik, the doctor will perform the surgery directly onto my corneas, essentially scratching them. The downtime and pain are similar to having a scratch on your cornea if you've ever felt that (which I have not). I will be out of commission for 4 days and should have 20/20 vision after a week or so. So am I doing it? That would be a resounding YES. I'm looking forward to waking up and being able to see, to opening my eyes underwater again, to not having to blink a gazillion times a day to readjust my contacts. Even if they had to take my eyeballs out of their sockets to perform the procedure, I would still be doing it.

One of the hardest parts of having this procedure has been the scheduling. I can't wear my contacts for 10 days straight before it, which meant it had to be scheduled after my half marathon and after New Years (who wants to party in glasses?). AND, I can't wear makeup for THREE WHOLE DAYS before the surgery. I think I've done that once since I discovered mascara in 8th grade and it was only because I was uber sick and in bed for 3 days straight. I will actually have to go out in public, to work, without makeup on. It is THAT, and not the wearing glasses for 10 days nor paying a doctor an obscene amount of money to scratch my corneas, nor the "intense pain" that a "few" people experience afterward, that I'm most worried about. At least I have my priorities straight. Right? I scheduled the procedure for January 19th and have been counting down the days ever since they confirmed the date, planning, of course, to avoid as much human contact as possible.

So here's my question for you. Have you or do you know anyone who had this alternative to Lasik? How did they fare? Have they been blinded for life? Actually, if they have, don't tell me. I think I'd rather not know. Just give me the good stories.