On NOT Having It All

I stumbled across this article on motherhood, which, as you all know by now, is (along with fatherhood, of course) the main focus in our household recently. For obvious reasons, I've been thinking a lot about the stress of motherhood (or really, parenthood), lately. Our baby hasn't even been born yet, and I'm already stressed about the choices we're making for her. What with the planning, registering, research and well-intentioned advice (both solicited and otherwise), I can attest to the overwhelmed feeling. And we're still four months away from the real stress. So when I saw that article on the Huffington Post, I took a deep breath and realized I needed to stop stressing, that everything would be OK. 

Right now, a (very) large number of my friends, coworkers, and neighbors are pregnant (I’m attributing this to some sort of strange epidemic). All of us have different living and financial situations, career aspirations, and family resources to work with when it comes to having and raising children. And we are all making different choices, whether those choices are guided by financial restraints or simply by choice. And here’s the thing, that’s ok. It’s still shocking to me that in this day and age, women are judged both for being working mothers AND for staying at home. I know plenty of people raised by working moms and they turned out just fine. And likewise, those of us raised by stay-at-home moms turned out just fine too. In fact, if you looked at our lives, accomplishments and academic records, I bet you wouldn’t even be able to tell who was raised by which.

Which brings us to the notion of having it all. It’s such a silly thing. In what other aspect of our lives do we feel we could ever “have it all”? And is this problem specific to the female sex? I don’t seem to hear many men stress about having it all or being absolutely perfect in every way. So why do we women feel that pressure? I think it may come from our past societal roles and the roles we now take on. The feminist movement wasn’t that long ago, relatively speaking, and maybe we’re still feeling the effects of that change; an inconsistency, a dissonance between what we “should” be doing and what we want or need to be doing. Because, even with the strides we’ve made, for the most part, our society still thinks that raising children is a woman’s role, even when that woman also needs and/or wants to be contributing financially to the family.

(This is something I noticed my grandmother had problems with. She was proud of her granddaughters; that we were going to college, getting an education, finding good jobs and taking care of ourselves. We were taking advantage of the opportunities she was never given. But she also expected us to get married, make babies, have dinner on the table every night, and maintain a spotless home. In her mind, there was no compromise. Because we’re girls, we should do all the things girls are supposed to do, even when we’re doing everything else, as well. And maybe, just maybe, a little of that thinking rubbed off on me when I wasn't looking.)

This is not a rant on our society’s views because, believe me, I could go on about this forever, but instead, a call to mothers everywhere to give up the guilt and the ridiculous notion of having it all. Like the Huffington Post article says: as a mother, you are never failing (Unless of course you’re one of those crazy extreme cases, but still, I’m not judging here. You were probably just under a lot of stress that day because all your friends posted on facebook how wonderful their children are, how put-together their lives are, and just how easy it is to have it all).

In this world of over-sharing and DIY-ing, it’s easy to feel like everyone else is doing it better than we are, to feel like we're being judged. And let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to judge, too. I know I’m as guilty of that as the next person. Maybe that’s why there’s so much pressure felt by parents everywhere to be perfect; to have the perfect children, to send them to the perfect schools, to give them the perfect sippy cup that will somehow give them the brainpower to compose the next great symphony. 

This about sums up my feelings on parenting pretty well: 1: we don’t need to be perfect to raise decent, well-adjusted children, 2: we do need to be more forgiving when it comes to parenting choices, both our own and others, and 3: we need to learn to ask for help. That whole "it takes a village" mentality has become lost in the modern world. It's time to bring it back. I'm no expert, but I'm going to take a stab and say raising children is not and has never been easy. I am sure of that. Another thing I’m sure of? NO ONE, not one person in this entire world, has it all. The ones that seem as though they do? They're the ones not focused on having it all. They're focused on what they ARE doing, not what they should be doing, on how much time they ARE spending with their children, instead of how much time they're not. Or they're lying. One or the other. Either way, we need to stop comparing ourselves to them. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I'll give it a shot if you will.

Book Review: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

I just finished one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn has been a hot topic lately. It’s on the New York Times Bestsellers List and was recommended to me by multiple friends. I finally got the chance to pick it up about two weeks ago. And now I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s incredibly well-written. It’s funny, dark, suspenseful, and smart. For those of you in my book club or anyone who hasn’t finished it yet, stop reading here and go finish it. The plot starts out simple enough: wife goes missing, marriage is rocky, husband is suspected. Typical crime novel stuff. The point of view switches back and forth between the husband in present-day and the missing wife through her diary from the day they met to just before she goes missing. Her diary paints one picture of her husband and their relationship, while the husband’s point of view paints another one. The husband readily admits to the reader he is flawed...and lying to the police. His lies are not revealed until late into the novel, leaving you constantly questioning whether or not he did it. Through her diary entries, the wife is giddy and sweet, eager to please her husband - in a word, likeable. A little more than halfway through the novel, after you've made your decision about how you feel about each one of them, Flynn offers up such an unexpected, brilliant twist, it sends you reeling.

While this is a crime novel at the surface (complete with psychopath), on a deeper level, the book explores the difference between loving someone and loving the idea of him or her. Of the fine line between love and hate and the dependency both emotions can create. How all consuming both can be. If you love/hate someone so deeply that it becomes part of your sense of self, who are you without that person? Who do you become? It's a brilliant underlying theme that takes this novel to a higher level.

The twist in this book is so great that I already want to go back and reread the first part, knowing what I know now, which, to me, is the sign of a great book. I won’t give away the ending, but it’s one of the most frustrating endings of any book I’ve ever read. Part of me absolutely hated it and another part of me absolutely loved it. This book will keep you on the edge of your seat until you finish. And you’ll either hate the ending or love it, (or both, like me). But no matter your feelings on the ending, this book will make you think, it’ll suck you in, make you invested in the characters and plot, and then turn everything on its head, twice. And the ride will be totally worth it, I promise.

Strangers in Our Home

This weekend, Kurt and I FINALLY finished painting the front porch and windows (no more 2-tone blue windows!). We bought some new house numbers and re-hung our flag. Our place is finally looking decent from the outside (if you ignore the severe lack of landscaping – that’s to come). While there are still a few things to work on on the exterior of the house, we’re starting to focus our attention on the interior. Many of our walls are still blank and boring, so we decided to hang some pictures.

For me, hanging pictures is a stressful activity, mainly because the holes in the wall are pretty permanent. I like knowing exactly what I want to hang, exactly where I want to hang it. Kurt is more of a fly by the seat of your pants picture-hanger. I stress over the perfect placement, while he just picks a spot and hangs a picture. While it stresses me to no end, I’ve learned we make a good team. I spend time assessing, moving, re-moving, arranging on the floor, while he pushes me to just hang a damn picture already. The thing is, without his pressure (ahem, encouragement), our walls would still be blank. So here is a picture of the fruits of our teamwork: our new and improved stairwell (yes, some of these frames still have the stock photos in them, but we figured we’d hang them anyway and find pictures for them as we go). What do you think? I think it finally looks like actual people live in this house, even if those people are stock models/strangers.

Food Rules

I have a confession to make: I don’t like different foods on my plate to touch. It’s one of my many neuroses or "quirks" as I like to refer to them. My father has the same one, so I'll assume it was learned. The basis is this: I want each food item to taste like itself and that’s it. I don’t want mashed potatoes on my peas or gravy on my asparagus. The only exception is when foods are meant to go together, like spaghetti and meatballs or stir fry. Adding to this quirk is (surprise!) another one: I typically eat one food item at a time. I’ve been trying to overcome this one, but it’s been difficult. I usually eat the vegetables first, then the meat, then the carb. I don’t know why. Perhaps it goes back to the first one about different foods touching. We could say it's because I want to be able to appreciate each ingredient for what it is, so I focus all my attention on it until it's gone. Yea, let's go with that one.

I realized a few weeks ago that both of these are evident when I eat and make salad. One night, a few weeks ago, Kurt made dinner. He is normal and so doesn’t have the same strange food obsessions I do. In the salad, he put greens, peppers, and cheese. While it was very good, it brought up some issues for me. #1: since I don’t like my foods to touch, I don’t eat salad the way a normal person would. At salad bars, for instance, I will separate each ingredient on my plate and eat my salad one ingredient at a time. When I make salad, it has lettuce, tomato and cucumber, and that’s it. #2: I don’t like everything on my fork at once. When new, fun ingredients are added, I pick them out and eat them separately, because in my mind, they don’t belong in a salad. With a mixed salad, I’m forced to pick out the cheese first, and then the peppers and then the greens. And here is why: to me, tomatoes, cucumber and greens go together, so they can be eaten together. Cheese does not go with salad, so it must be eaten separately. I know, this little insight into my wacko mind is scary, but I can't be the only one, right? Other than this, I'm actually not a very picky eater. I can feel the collective eye-roll and "suuuure" you're all giving me right now, but seriously. Tomorrow, at Thanksgiving, I'll be busy making sure the turkey isn't touching the mashed potatoes isn't touching the green beans and so on and eating them one at a time, while you're living with your own weird quirks. Right?

I'm sure you all must have some strange tendencies to share that'll make me feel better about mine. So feel free to share. Please.

A Guest Post: Shelter from the Storm

When Hurricane Sandy hit, I think we were all a little ill-prepared. Hurricanes like that just don't happen in New Jersey...at least, they didn't used to. Sure, we filled our bathtub with water to flush the toilets and filled pitchers of drinking water, but that was about it. We were among the very lucky. We lost power for two days. Many of our friends and family members lost power for over a week and some are still out. What's worse is the damage it caused in the coastal areas. The Jersey Shore's iconic boardwalks and piers were destroyed, communities were devastated, and homes were flooded and torn apart. People lost their homes and everything they own, some even their lives. It's something I honestly can't imagine. 

In the aftermath of the storm, we've found ways to help: giving to the Red Cross, donating food and supplies. Yesterday, Kurt rounded up a bunch of people from work and headed to the shore to help out. The rest of this post is written by him, since I think it'll come best from him:

Kurt: I want to first thank everyone who has already donated supplies, money or their time to help those affected by this disaster.  There is a lot of work to be done and your help is of utmost importance. 

Last week, I helped organize a donation of food and supplies to a shelter in Forked River, NJ and put together a group of volunteers to deliver them to the shelter and spend the day helping however we could.
 
Having now seen some of the shore with my own eyes there is more devastation than I even could have imagined.  It will be a very long road to recovery and an even longer road to rebuild the communities that were decimated.

The moment we got to the Lacey United Methodist Church and began carrying in the donated supplies in two things became very evident: 1) There were many people in the shelter thankful for a warm meal on a cold day and still looking around in disbelief that their homes have been destroyed and they have nowhere else to go and 2) The amount of supplies and food and toiletries piled up around the shelter was a great start in helping these people recover.

We went to the church yesterday with the expectation that we would be serving food inside the shelter.  After carrying in all our supplies, I found a guy who looked like he might be in charge and asked him where we should start helping.  He brought us all upstairs into the church sanctuary, gave us volunteer insurance waivers to fill out and then asked us to sit down for a half-hour training class that he would run.  I filled out the form and couldn't wait to help but I was confused by the training class. Was he going to teach us how to pick up a piece of bacon with tongs and put it on someone's plate?  It quickly became clear that this was a training class about going out into the devastated communities and helping homeowners clear out their houses and throw away all the furniture and personal items that the flooding took from them.  When I realized this I started glancing at our other teammates seriously worried that they only signed up to serve food and didn't want to do this kind of manual labor.  And as I looked at each one of their faces I realized they were thinking the same thing I was, serving food would be nice but getting out into the neighborhoods and helping people is even better.  So I relaxed and just paid attention to the advice the coordinator gave us knowing I was about to go do something I had never done before.  The training ended, we packed up some tools and supplies into a coworker's van and headed out into Bayville, NJ where we got to see firsthand just how violent these flood waters were.

First we went to the house of an older man named Jim.  The flood waters came well over three feet deep in every room and destroyed basically everything they touched.  We removed all the carpet and carpet padding from the entire house while making sure to not damage any of his personal effects (like two urns containing the remains of his two sisters and a glass cabinet filled with hundreds of breakable glass figurines).  After cleaning out everything we could from his house we drove around the neighborhood looking for others in need.  We handed out FEMA information and advised them they could go back to Lacey United Methodist for warm meals or a warm place to sleep.  Finally we found another house and spent the remainder of the afternoon helping an amazingly strong and loving couple (Larry and Claire) clear out their house.  Not only did they lose everything within four feet of the floor in their house but they also have very obvious damage on their roof that will require the back of their house to be rebuilt.

We ended the day with sore backs and some ruined sneakers but also with an understanding that it was worth losing some shoes for what we were able to accomplish as a team (keep in mind we were dressed for serving bacon and Ramen noodles all day!).
 If you want to donate or volunteer to the church we worked with they are gladly accepting any and all volunteers.  And just to be clear, none of us are affiliated with Lacey United Methodist Church, that is not something they care about when finding volunteers to help with this effort.  The church is running a free shelter, providing free meals and coordinating free assistance with any volunteer willing to drive down there and give their time.  If you get the chance, donate some food, water, clothing, pillows or blankets.  And if you want to take it a step farther, contact a local shelter and go make your own memory.  The satisfaction you get from reaching out and helping someone in need is payment enough...but the gratefulness in the eyes of Jim, Claire or Larry at a time when their lives have been turned completely upside down was enough for me to go do it again.  See you next week Bayville, I'll be back next week with even more friends to do whatever we can for you. 

If you would like to donate supplies, let me know.  I'd be happy to pick them up from you and deliver them personally to the shelter at:
 
Lacey United Methodist Church
203 Lacey Road
Forked River, NJ 08731
(609) 693-5222

You can also donate to the Red Cross here.

What to Expect

It’s been about 3 months since my last post. I’ve been silent for a couple reasons: 1. I’ve been waiting until we’re “finished” with a room to show you before and afters of the house. 2. About 3 months ago, I learned some exciting news that I couldn’t share and was so focused on that I didn’t know what else to write about.

The big news, for those of you aren’t on facebook and don’t check your emails, (and of course for all 2 of you who don’t actually know me) is that I’m pregnant. We're thrilled and feel very, very fortunate. I’m 17 weeks now and starting to show quite a bit. We had decided not to announce the news until I was out of the 1st trimester, just in case. (Of course I blabbed to a few close friends and family members). And I'll be honest, hiding such huge news from everyone we know was very difficult. And between the fatigue, nausea, and lying to everyone we know, it was an interesting couple of months. I’m feeling great now – pretty much back to normal – which has been an issue I didn’t foresee, mainly because I keep forgetting I’m pregnant.

While I’ll try not to turn this into a pregnancy and mothering blog, I will warn you all that some of those posts will definitely be coming, since that’s what’s new in my life. I’ll try to keep them to a minimum though.

So for those of you not interested in hearing about my thoughts on the early stages of pregnancy, you can stop reading here (or scroll down to the book review). No hard feelings, I promise.

My sister-in-law recently sent me a blogpost on pregnancy written by Elisa Donovan (AKA “Amber” from Clueless) and while her symptoms seemed to be much worse than mine, I found it to be pretty accurate. All of a sudden, your body isn’t just yours anymore. It does new things you have no control over. It changes in ways you would normally hate in any other circumstance, but have to learn to accept now. And if you thought you were in touch with your body before, you’re in for a rude awakening, since you’ll have NO idea what’s going on half the time. Google becomes your encyclopedia. TheBump.com is your Bible. Pregnant friends or those with small children are on speed dial. You feel like this weird alien creature that needs to pretend to be human. You feel fat, but you know your belly is supposed to be growing. Your pants don’t fit, so you reluctantly buy a belly band – and then grow to love it. As your belly grows, you have to fight that instinct to suck it in that we’ve all succumbed to at some point in our lives. You forget things. You hate foods you used to love. Your sense of smell is heightened to almost comical levels (I say “almost” because you learn pretty quickly that there are way more horrible smells than there are good ones). The perpetual nausea is annoying and the fatigue is mind-blowing (I never knew I could be THAT tired, all the time). But then you get to see the fruits of your body’s labor at the first trimester ultrasound and that thing that was just a collection of cells a few weeks ago is moving around, kicking its legs, and rolling over. And every ache, every minute spent struggling to stay awake, every second of nausea is worth it. And while I know that sounds cheesy, it's totally true. 

On My Nightstand:

When JK Rowling announced she was writing another book, I was thrilled and immediately pre-ordered it from Amazon. The Casual Vacancy came a couple of months ago, just after it was released and I've slowly been reading my way through it. I love Rowling's style of writing. It was one of the things I loved most about the Harry Potter books. And this book did not disappoint on that front. It did, however, take me awhile to get into it. It was a long book, with a lot of characters, and much of the book was spent on character development and plot buildup. If you're willing to stick through it and understand that the story is about the characters themselves and their relationships to one another, it ends up being enjoyable. It just took awhile to get there. By the end though, I found myself invested in the characters and their lives and wanted to read more and more. So, while this wasn't the compelling creative and magical wonderland that was the Harry Potter series, it was well written, well developed, and an overall good read.

Random Acts

A few nights ago, a friend of mine and her husband came home to find half a dozen roses on their porch. There was no note, nothing to identify the giver. They live in a fairly rural area, so someone would have had to drive to their house. When she told us, asking if any of us were the anonymous culprit, I told her I found it creepy and she agreed. Not long ago, another stranger (or perhaps the same one?) left a note on their door to tell them how much they enjoy driving by their house since they’ve renovated it. I thought that was sweet at the time. I still think it’s sweet, as long as it’s not the same person who left the flowers.*

But it got me thinking, have you ever done something for someone anonymously? Or something that someone couldn’t pay back? Not all random acts of kindness have to be creepy. When I was a senior in high school, I found myself underdressed and under-budgeted in a very expensive restaurant with a friend. After hearing us express our concerns to each other over the price of the menu and our t-shirt and jeans attire, a woman at the next table paid for our dinner. The sweetest part about it was, we didn’t know she’d footed the bill until we asked for it, long after she had left. To top it off, it had been her birthday and she had told the server she “just wanted to do something nice for someone else.” There was no way to thank her, she hadn’t spoken to us at all during the dinner, (but we knew she had noticed us as we’d heard her comment to her friends how cute we were for ordering iced teas) and left no way for us to repay the favor or even thank her. It struck me as such an unselfish gift. She didn't need or want the satisfaction of seeing our faces, or hearing a "Thank you", like so many of us (myself included) do when giving gifts.

That night, my friend and I vowed to pay it forward. One day, when we were able, we’d do the same for someone else. Whenever I can, I try to pay some stranger a kindness that can’t be repaid. That night is one I’ll never forget because of that woman’s anonymous gift. After we’d recovered from our shock, the server told us, “she told me to tell you to never worry about how you’re dressed or about spending a little money, and to just enjoy life.” Words to live by.

*For the record, it turned out the roses were a random act of kindness (and not creepiness). A day or two after they found the roses, they found out they were from their neighbor.

Some Fabulous Things

This post really should be called “Some Fabulous Things I Just Discovered That Everyone Knew About 5 Years Ago”, but I thought that was a little long. I am totally late to the game on just about all of these, but I totally don’t care. These may be old news to you, but if they aren’t, you should check them out:

Basil: As in the herb. In our last two Harvest Routes baskets, we received a bunch of basil. I'd always loved the smell of fresh basil, but I don't think I'd ever been completely engulfed by it before. On the way home from picking up our basket, the large bunch of basil made my car smell like happiness and hunger. I'm now thinking about putting sprigs of fresh basil in every room. Is that pizza you're making? No, that's just the basil under the bed.

Thai Food: Yes, I know this sounds a bit like Columbus "discovering" America, but bear with me. Kurt and I just recently discovered Thai food (for ourselves). I don't really know why I'd never tried it before other than the fact that I didn't know of any Thai places in our area. Two years ago, Ploy Siam opened in the shopping center near our house and a few of our friends raved about. So we decided to try it one night and ordered takeout. Not knowing anything about the menu, we took some guesses and ordered. And the food was fabulous. It was fresh, flavorful, just spicy enough (you can tell them how spicy you want your order from 1 pepper to 5 peppers). It wasn't long before we were craving more, so we stopped in one night. The restaurant is absolutely gorgeous. The amount of detail that went into the design of the place is incredible. From the huge skylight detailed in gold leaf to the statue that sits in a reflecting pool. It's refreshing to find a restaurant that put just as much thought into the decor as the food.

Grounds for Sculpture: This state fairground turned sculpture garden in Hamilton, NJ (or "Princeton" as it claims) is definitely worth a trip. Surprisingly enough, I'd never really walked through the grounds. I'd been to Rat's (the AMAZING french restaurant modeled after Ratty's house in The Wind in the Willows) and I'd attended a wedding ceremony at GFS, but I'd never taken the time to walk the grounds and look at the sculptures. If you've ever been in the Hamilton area and have seen random, enormous, odd sculptures placed along highways, you've seen some of the overflow. The 45 or so acres are owned by sculptor, Seward Johnson (of the Johnson & Johnson family) and are filled with contemporary sculptures, some permanent, most temporary. Located in a corporate park and surrounded by warehouses, you'd never guess such a beautiful outdoor museum was placed here. It's a great place to go for a walk on a nice day and enjoy some beautiful and interesting art.

Downton Abbey: Last Sunday, I spent the entire day on my couch in a marathon session of Season 2 of this show. I found Season 1 on Netflix and was hooked after the first 2 episodes. I couldn’t stop thinking about it until a few days later when I finally had the time to watch the rest, in one night (which, if you ask me, is my definition of a great show/book/movie, etc.). If you like period dramas, the English class system, great acting and/or fantastic writing (and really, who doesn’t?), I highly recommend this show. Maggie Smith is in it (Professor McGonagall for all you Harry Potter fans) and that’s about it. It’s one of the things I like most about the show. Besides Maggie Smith (and Bernie from Notting Hill), I don’t know a single actor in it. The story is compelling, scandalous, funny, and heartbreaking all at once. It’s like an hour long emotional roller coaster that I just can’t get enough of. There are a ton of characters and the stories follow not only the noble family, but their servants as well, and there are fabulous plotlines for each character. I was amazed how quickly I became invested in each and every character. And now I'm kicking myself for starting it now since Season 3 won't be available in the US until January. So, in the meantime, I'm watching...

The Big Bang Theory: I can’t tell you how many people have recommended this show to me. I shrugged off each and every one of them, for no reason really. I kept forgetting to DVR it or really wasn’t that interested in starting a new show, or was deeply engrossed in 5 hours of Downton Abbey. I finally decided to order Season 1 on Netflix…and finished the entire 1st disc in one sitting. And then watched it again the next day because disc 2 had yet to arrive. This. Show. Is. Hilarious. Seriously, laugh out loud funny. I love all the characters and their quirks, but Sheldon is by far my favorite. I love the dorkiness of it and the psychologist in me simply bursts with delight every time any character reveals a new neurosis. The humor is smart and sarcastic - my favorite kind. Two thumbs up (although it would be more if I had more thumbs).

Learning to Live With It

Ok, I know I’ve been neglectful, but all that time not spent blogging has been put to good use. And so, I will have some great decor eye candy for you soon. Since we closed on our townhouse on May 18th, Kurt and I, my sister and her boyfriend, and our fathers have been working on it, pouring our blood, sweat and (my) tears into the place to make it ours. Here is a quick listing of what we’ve managed to get done so far:

• Moved the cabinets and soffit from over the peninsula to against the wall to open up the room 
• Installed boxes for 3 pendant lights over the peninsula
• Primed and painted every inch of every room and hallway (including the 20ft. walls in the stairwell) 
• Fixed the leaky faucet in the main bathroom 
• Installed blinds in the living room and master bedroom  
• Updated outlet and switch covers 
• Replaced wood trim on the front windows (all wood trim will be replaced at the end of the month)  
• Replaced carpeting in the 3 bedrooms 
• Trimmed overgrown trees in the backyard  
• Weedwacked the 10 square feet of grass in the backyard  
• Powerwashed the entire house and patio 
• Cleaned gutters  
• Replaced all doorknobs 
• Installed deadbolts on front and back door 

We still have a ton of things to do before we can really relax, but we’re getting there. From spilling 3/4 of a gallon of paint on the carpet to  realizing everything leaves a mark on flat paint, to running out of paint entirely for every room and none of the gallons matching each other, we’ve had some mishaps and are learning valuable lessons the hard way, understanding it’s a process is half the battle. 

As for the decorating, I’m learning to be patient and see the potential in things. There is not a single white wall in our entire house. Kurt and I both grew up with mainly white walls and wanted as much color as we could manage, so we might have gone a little overboard, but the rooms and their colors make us happy. We’re replacing and collecting furniture slowly, which has been the hardest part for me. I want the rooms to be done, but “done” costs money, and with a mortgage hanging over our heads, “done” needs to be slowly achieved. The thing is, since we’re collecting furniture from friends and family, nothing matches in that perfect, eclectic way and everything tells a story. We have a 1950’s era campaign dresser-turned-buffet inherited from my Nonni, a beautiful 300-lb, solid wood headboard and footboard given to us as a housewarming gift from friends who bought them at a yard-sale for $75. Our desk and dining room table were donated from friends, our dresser is another inherited piece from Nonni, and our gorgeous couch and refrigerator were beyond-generous gifts. All of this means that every piece of furniture we own means something to us. Yes, I might paint the desk and the dresser and replace hardware to give them new life, but they’ll never lose their meaning.

While slowly furnishing and decorating our home will save us money and ensure our house is truly that, there is one downside. And that downside is the blank, unadorned walls, the books sitting homeless and unorganized in boxes because we have no bookshelves, the mismatched bathroom because I haven't had the time to paint the vanity, the feeling that no matter how clean the place is, it won't "look" clean because of the various piles of tools and supplies scattered around the house. This has been a struggle for me. I dislike clutter very very much, especially when guests are over. But I'm learning to relax and let it go. They're my friends, they won't judge me because I haven't swept in 3 weeks or because they have no pretty art to look at. They'll get over it and so should I. That being said, I can't promise I won't go back to my neurotic ways once the house is more finished, but for now, I give up. The clutter wins. And I don't/am trying not to care.

Goodbyes

Tonight is our last night in Allentown. Tomorrow night, we’ll be packing the moving truck with all our worldly possessions and heading to the new house. Right now, I am surrounded by boxes, the walls are bare, our home is stripped down to its bare bones. It’s looking very sad right now. There’s nothing sadder than an empty home just begging for someone to fill it with memories and things. I’m sad to be leaving this apartment, our first place together. For all its quirks and alien insects, I love this place. And while we’re only moving 10 minutes away, I can’t seem to fight the urge to walk Main Street again, to get ice cream at Swal’s or a slice of pizza at La Piazza, or go for a run in Heritage Park. It’s silly, I know. I can just hop in my car and be back in 10 minutes, but I also know it won’t be the same as living here. I'll miss our neighbors. I’ll miss the old man who sits on his porch across the street and waves hello. I’ll miss the crazy, sweet lady next door and her enormous bear of a dog. I'll miss handing out candy to a thousand trick-or-treaters during the parade. I’ll miss being able to walk to my favorite pizza shop. I’ll miss the lake in the backyard even though it evicted us from our apartment for awhile. And then there’s the apartment: I’ll miss the built-in bookshelves, the hand-laid, 100-year old floors, the crown molding, the ornate radiators. At least I know it’ll be in good hands once we’re gone.

But we have new neighbors to meet, a new house to make a home, a new neighborhood to learn (or re-learn in my case) and that’s exciting too. I’m looking forward to adding our touch to our new place and filling it with new furniture and pictures and making it ours. I’m definitely looking forward to be finished painting and (hopefully) losing the arthritic ache in my hand from holding a paint roller for way too many hours. We’re onto a new chapter in our lives and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Why We'll Be Poor for the Next 30 Years

Kurt and I have some big big news to share: we bought a house! We closed on May 18th. I know most of you know this already due in part to Facebook and to the fact that I’ve told everyone we’ve spoken to in the past month (shh, don’t tell Kurt). Kurt wanted to keep it mum until everything was set in stone, so as not to jinx it. While he’s usually very practical, he is extremely superstitious when it comes to these things. “The house is NOT ours!” he’d say anytime I referred to it as such, and “It’s going to fall through, I just know it.” Ah, the power of negative thinking. Anyway, it’s an 3 bedroom, 2-1/2 bathroom end unit townhouse in the development where I grew up. It’s a little weird moving back there, but everything about the transaction just felt right. 

It needs a little work and a lot of painting, so we’re doing that in the 4 weeks before we move in. The process has been a learning experience, but we’ve been extremely lucky. We had a great realtor and lawyer and it has all gone very quickly and fairly smoothly. From putting our offer in to closing, the entire process took 50 days. Before that, we looked at houses for about 2 and a half weeks.

Here, I'd like to discuss how House Hunters depresses me. When we started looking at houses, I became obsessed with finding the perfect place. I searched realty sites, design blogs (to make our perfect place even more perfect) and DVR'ed every episode of House Hunters I could find. Well, my friends, that last part was not smart. Not smart at all. I learned that in Georgia, I could get a 4 bedroom McMansion in our price range. In New Jersey, well let's just say our options are less fabulous than that. Not to mention the fact that the taxes in this state are ludicrous. Absolutely ludicrous. If we had moved across the river to Pennsylvania, for instance, our taxes would be half as much as they are in this lovely state. This was our biggest source of stress: taxes. Because yes, it is a buyer's market, but the taxes only go up year after year, and in New Jersey, they are already astronomical. They very rarely, if ever, go down. While we looked at houses, I became more and more stressed at what we could afford and where. But once we found this place, we decided to stay in Jersey. It was just too good to be true. And perfect for us.

The neighborhood and town is exactly what we wanted. The schools are amazing and the town is growing. Since I grew up in the neighborhood, I feel comfortable here and I know firsthand it's a good place to raise a family. We feel very lucky to have gotten such a great deal on this place since we almost completely wrote off looking in this town, thinking we’d never be able to afford it. The most exciting things for me in the entire house? The fireplace in the living room. It’s my first fireplace! I'm a little sad we're moving in in June and can't reasonably use it for another few months.

For the past week and a half, we've been working on it; painting the exterior wood trim, trimming the overgrown trees in the backyard, taking down cabinets from over the kitchen island (and moving them to the wall instead. Being where they were, they closed off the kitchen and dining room. Taking them down makes the floor plan much more open. Before and After pics to come.) My dad took up the carpets and primed and painted the 3 bedrooms so the carpets can be installed on Friday. I have a newfound love for power washing, and a newfound hatred for painting. We still have a long way to go, but it's coming along.

So now the fun part starts. Decorating. I have been scouring design blogs and websites, browsing the “home decor” section of Pinterest, and making “to do” and “to buy” lists as long as my arm. I can’t wait to go to IKEA and the antiques market nearby. Kurt and I had agreed awhile ago that we wouldn’t be buying any new furniture until we bought a house and knew what we could fit. So I’ve been antsy. I absolutely LOVE walking through IKEA and finding things to mix and match with the pieces we have already, so that will be one of our first stops. We have some furniture from my Nonni we’ll mix in here and there. I’m thrilled to get to make this place our own, little by little, finding the perfect dining room table here, a great set of stools there. I can think about nothing else.

We won't move in completely until the 15th, so we'll have time to get all the major work done before we move in. I'll be posting some before and afters in the weeks to come. And while I know this is going to be a lot of work, and that our work will never really end, I love it. I love being able to work on "our house," to change the colors, move the cabinets, choose flooring, paint vanities and switch out light fixtures; to really make it a home. For the next 3 weeks, unless we're at work or sleeping, our lives will consist of painting, sanding, and drilling. So if you're in the area, stop by. We'll be there.

Harvest Routes

A few months ago, our friends decided to start up their own CSA (or Community-Supported Agriculture), called Harvest Routes. Essentially, they work with local farmers to provide fresh, local produce, eggs, meat, and honey to the community. There are a multitude of farmers in our area, but the lack of farmer’s markets is apparent. It’s difficult and time-consuming to buy local. Their solution is to provide a box of produce and eggs (and whatever else you would like to add on) to subscribers each week from various farmers. If you’re familiar with a co-op, this is similar, only more farms are involved and when you pick up your box every week, it’s already packed for you.

I’ve been super excited about participating. I’ve always thought it a shame that “The Garden State” doesn’t have more opportunities to buy local and seasonal food. Farmer’s markets are growing in our area, but they’re only once a week and still somewhat limited. We picked up our first box yesterday – an enormous box filled with kale, mustard greens, arugula, radishes, oregano, lettuce, leeks, eggs and more (see pic below). Since we get whatever is in season, each week is a fun surprise. I love it. I’m already looking up recipes for some of the produce I’m less familiar with. Because of Harvest Routes, we'll be trying and experiencing new foods and learning new recipes. There's nothing a foodie loves more. And I love that we’re supporting the local farms. As summer gets into full swing, we’ll be getting tomatoes, watermelon, green beans, beets. And everything is fresh, seasonal, and local. 

One of the best features this CSA offers is flexibility. You can sign up for weekly or biweekly pickups and can add on raw honey, fresh coffee, and more to your box. If you go on vacation, you can “freeze” your subscription until you come back. It’s a really great feature. Since it’s just Kurt and I, we’re signed up for biweekly deliveries at the moment and I think it will be plenty of food. For more information and a much better explanation, you can visit their website: www.Harvest-Routes.com

Antigua (a.k.a. The Longest Blogpost Ever)

I know I’ve been M.I.A. for awhile, but not without good reason. We’ve been house hunting (more on that in a future post), vacationing in Antigua, and otherwise keeping insanely busy.

I know you’re all dying to hear about our vacation in Antigua, at least I’m dying to relive it through the written word. So here it is:


As previously mentioned, we had been looking to book a vacation for this Spring. This vacation had two requirements: It had to be cheap, and it had to be somewhere we’ve never been, which turned out to be a pretty tall order. Unless you want to spend 5 days in Ohio (no offense to Ohio-ans, I'm sure Ohio is breathtaking, it’s just not where we were thinking), you have to leave the country to save money, but you can't go too far as flights are ridiculously expensive at the moment. Months ago we found the perfect vacation via CheapCarribean.com. It sounded almost too good to be true. Five all-inclusive days in Antigua (flights and transportation to and from the resort included) for less than 2 flights to Europe? We were in. Then I started to panic. In my experience, if something seems too good to be true, it usually is. My mind started reeling: The food will be inedible. The room will be tiny and dirty. The island will be dangerous. It must be the rainy season. I worried for naught. Everything about our vacation was practically perfect. I’ll give you that we’re not hard to please, but I can’t imagine many people finding fault. The weather was perfect; not too humid or hot, with the most perfect island breeze. It rained a bit on the first day we were there and poured on the morning of our departure (while we laughed and pointed at all the sorry tourists having to spend their last day in paradise packing inside), but otherwise, we had sunny and somewhat overcast skies (I’ll tell you, those clouds ended up being a godsend. Whenever the sun came out of the clouds, the temperature rose about 15 degrees and I could feel my pale half-Irish skin burning quickly).


When we arrived at the island, we found our way to our car service and loaded our bags into the van (not before being told about a departure tax that we had to pay if we wanted to leave the island, which I confirmed to be truth and not scam with every other tourist we met). Here’s the thing about the drive to the resort: As Antigua was once a British colony, Antiguans (or at least our driver) drive on the left side of the road, while hugging the center line, passing everyone they can, while pedestrians, goats, chickens, and stray dogs walk along the road. So as not to panic every time we almost hit a dog/car/pedestrian/chicken (which was about every 5 seconds) I focused on the landscape for most of it. Driving on the left blew my mind. I’ve been to England before and for some reason it didn’t faze me as much. Maybe the streets in London weren't so narrow or the taxi drivers weren't so liberal with their interpretation of driving laws, I don't know. What I do know, is it's a good thing we hadn't decided to rent a car. On our way to the hotel, there were a few 5 road intersections at which Kurt and I both admitted not knowing who had the right of way.


We arrived at our resort, Jolly Beach Resort, an hour before check-in and were encouraged to leave our bags at the front desk and explore the resort. Mostly we explored the bar at the pool where I discovered my favorite drink for the rest of the trip: Antigua Kiss - a combo of pineapple juice, peach Schnapps, and white rum. When it was time to check in, we were driven to our room, a junior suite. The entire resort featured white concrete walls and our room was no different. At first glance, the bed seemed hard and uncomfortable, and the room seemed a bit sparse, but we quickly realized we were in paradise and couldn't care less what the room looked like. The room was clean, had all the amenities we needed including 2 balconies with beach views, and the bed turned out to be more comfortable than our own. We quickly (but carefully) threw on sunscreen and our swimsuits and headed to the beach.


Never in my life have I seen water so blue. It was amazing. I spent the majority of our time on the beach just staring at it, mesmerized. The shade of blue, coupled with the soft sand and green mountains on either side of our beach's little cove made for the most amazing scenery. We spent most of our time on the beach, relaxing and reading. Every once in awhile, a local entrepreneur would show up and try to sell us jewelry, fresh aloe (even though we weren't sunburned yet), a jeep tour of the island (and some illicit drugs), and massages. We turned down every proposition, yes including the illicit drugs (do you not know me at all?) and each would-be vendor bid us good day and walked away. 

On our third day on the island, we decided to splurge and buy two tickets for a catamaran tour around the island. The tour was to be 7 hours long, included lunch, snorkeling, and drinks. It was the best thing we did. 

Since we'd only had 1.25 days to get any sun, we decided to sit under the awning so we didn't get burned. We made our way around the island with about 40 other passengers (including some old German men in speedos - and I don't mean the racing speedos that offer a bit more coverage where it counts, I mean high-cut, bikini speedos that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. And believe me, these men were not the type of men you want to see in speedos.). For about 20 minutes, we crossed the Atlantic in open water and I felt incredibly seasick. For the longest 20 minutes of my life, I sat in silence, staring at the horizon, willing myself not to vomit, while people on the front of the boat held up their arms and screamed while we rode the 10-foot swells like a roller coaster. Once we got back into calmer waters though, the seasickness subsided. We pulled into a little cove with a private beach and those who wanted to go snorkeling (me!) were given masks, flippers, and flotation devices. 

I nervously jumped in the water and followed our tour guide around the coral reefs. I thought it would be a little scary or at least unnerving, but it was beautiful. The fish were gorgeous, colorful little things that didn't even seem fazed by the 20 enormous humans hovering above them. At one point, I looked up and saw a tiny long-snouted fish right in front of my mask. On our way back to the boat, our tour guide called out, "Quick! Get over here! There's a stingray!" Naturally, assuming he meant we needed to hurry up and GET AWAY (I mean, one of those things killed Steve Irwin!), I swam as fast as I could to catch up to him. When I arrived (panting), he said, "Look! It's right underneath us!" Heart pounding, I looked down and about 20 feet below us was an eagle ray, with a tail longer than I've ever seen on a sting ray. And it was beautiful. Seriously. It looked like a bird flying through the water. I watched it until I couldn't see it anymore, and we headed back to the boat for lunch and a 2-hour stay on the private beach.

I think this is as good a time as any to mention the food. I was beyond impressed with the food on our trip. It was spectacular. While I'm not a picky eater, I know good food and prefer it. And this was good food. There were 4 restaurants on our resort: a buffet place called Hemisphere's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, an Indian restaurant called Utsav, an Italian restaurant called Bocciolo, and a seafood restaurant called Lydia's, and we ate at every single one (Utsav was so good, we ate there twice). I was so impressed with the food. I couldn't believe how good it was. My main concern with an all-inclusive resort was the food. I had read many, many customer reviews of other all-inclusive resorts and they all mentioned the food and that it wasn't good. The reviews for our resort mentioned good food, but I had no idea how good. At Jolly Beach, it was fresh, flavorful, tender, all the good food adjectives you can think of. Even the lunch on the private catamaran tour was fabulous. Plus, while eating on the patio at the buffet, we could watch the birds face-off. About every few minutes or so, two birds (or Carib Grapples as we would come to learn) would face-off over a piece of food and for all intents and purposes, dance at each other. Whichever bird danced better, won...like West Side Story...at least in my mind.


The day after the catamaran tour, we ventured off the resort, something I was longing to do. I'm not the kind of person who is content going to a foreign country and not actually seeing it. We chose Antigua because it didn't come with a "don't leave the resort" disclaimer. We walked to the little harbour town near the resort, explored a bit, and walked around the grocery store. If we had been there for more than 5 days, we would have explored a little more. I would have liked to have done a jeep tour of the island or gone to St. John's for the day, but the beach was just too appealing. Next time. Because there will be a next time. I would go back to Antigua, back to Jolly Beach, in a heartbeat. 


The resort had plenty of activities throughout the day, though we chose to relax instead of joining in. At night, there were dance shows, dancing, and a bonfire with limbo and fire-breathing.


We made a few friends over the duration of the trip: a quintet of sisters from Canada and their husbands, some Italians with whom I got to practice my language skills, and a few other couples. We learned early on that not everyone was part of the all-inclusive package, which meant there were tip jars at the bars. Kurt and I being overtippers to begin with and seeing the poor countryside, felt weird not tipping the staff, so we periodically visited the front desk for change for our twenties. Tipping wasn't necessary I guess, but we figured, why not?


All in all, the trip was near perfection. The island was beautiful, the locals were friendly, we felt safe the entire time, and the food was FABULOUS. The only thing we wanted more of was time to further enjoy the island.

The Next Step

So, it’s finally happening; that thing that all newlyweds look forward to, plan and save up for: we’re house hunting. (I bet you thought I was about to announce something of the "wee one" variety, right? All in good time, my friends.) We’re in that awkward limbo period (I guess that probably explains the entirety of house hunting) where we have a Realtor, we’ve started looking at houses online (and compiling an extensive spreadsheet), but we haven’t actually looked at any yet. With tax season winding down, we’ll begin physically looking at houses soon, but until then, every spare minute has been spent on real estate websites. Despite all advice warning me otherwise, I’ve already fallen head over heels in love with one house even though a. it’s too small, b. it has no off-street parking and is in a town touristy enough that you really NEED off-street parking, c. is a row home, which is an option, but not ideal, and d. is most likely in a flood-zone. But the KITCHEN and that farmhouse sink! Those original, 150-year-old wide plank hardwood floors! It was love at first sight. Sadly, we’ve crossed it off the list. It’s just too small. How will we entertain without a dining room? And I vowed never again to live in a house without closet space and this house has no closets. Period. Then, after telling me I shouldn't be falling in love with a house without seeing it first, Kurt, ever the practical one, fell for one. Ha! Now who’s being dreamy? Though we crossed that one off the list as well as it’s…a mobile home. Yes, a mobile home. In all fairness, it’s not on wheels, and by no means does it look like a mobile home (we had no idea until we saw the actual listing), but it is indeed a mobile home, in a mobile home park. So we’re back to square one; adding houses to our ever-growing spreadsheet that are nice, doable, but not overly exciting. It certainly doesn't help that my preferences are Spanish-style houses with open floor plans (not so many of those in our price range in New Jersey) and gorgeous old homes with charm and high ceilings (lots of those in New Jersey, but not many in our price range that we wouldn't have to spend $100,000 on renovations).

Any advice from you home-owners out there would be wonderful and very much appreciated. We really have no idea what we're doing, but armed with a Realtor and a wishlist, I'm sure we'll figure it out as we go and find something we love. Or at least, something we like enough to want to spend our nights and weekends turning it into something we love.

Happy International Women's Day

Source: store.barackobama.com via Sara on Pinterest

2012 Resolutions, Update

Happy Leap Day everyone! I think it's important for you all to know that I have down absolutely nothing exciting or out of the ordinary on my extra day. I hope you did. It’s been 2 full months since I made my resolutions. I thought you’d like to see a little update, a report card if you will, on how it’s going.


Stop spending money on Tall Caramel Macchiatos. Since the start of the New Year, I have not gone to Starbucks once. (Ok, that's a lie. I wrote this post a week ago and since then my espresso machine has mysteriously stopped working. For the past 5 days, I've been good and only had tea, but today, I broke down and stopped at Starbucks. But I figure, since it's Leap Day, it doesn't really count. I mean, next year, Leap Day won't even exist!) Not counting today, (which I won't because it doesn't exist 3 out of every 4 years), my homemade, morning latte has now become part of my routine (which, for me at least, is the only way to make a successful life change). And once I "troubleshoot" (seriously, that was the exact word the Customer Service Rep at Cuisinart used) my beloved espresso machine and hopefully have it back up and running, my routine will be restored. I bought a large bag of espresso beans for $25 and even after making a latte every weekday morning (I weirdly prefer tea on the weekends), I haven’t used nearly half of the bag. So, this new little habit of mine has helped me save enough money for…


Buy a pair of Frye Boots. …these gorgeous boots: 


Use coupons. I finally found the perfect solution to my never-remembering-to-use-coupons problem: Ziploc bags. Seriously. I took all the coupons that were laying around in my purse slowly expiring and put them all in one little sandwich bag. It reduces clutter and for some odd reason, makes me more mindful to use them. I have absolutely no idea why this might be, but hey, it works. 


Get a hubcap. I get a big fat FAIL for this one. At least so far. Did you know hubcaps were like $50? If I had known that, upon arriving home and seeing my hubcap missing, I would’ve gotten right back in my car and retraced my route to find it myself. $50? Seriously? For something that doesn't even DO anything but make your car look respectable? I might resort to asking for one for my birthday in April. I’m all for restoring my car to its rightful state of unghetto-ness, but there are so very many things I could spend $50 on…like 12.5 Tall Caramel Macchiatos.




And finally, for the last day of Beauty & Inspiration, here is a beautiful quote on life. Here's to being thoroughly used up.

Source: shaunaniequist.com via Amy on Pinterest

Wanted: Page-Turners

I'm sure you've all heard the big news by now: JK Rowling has announced that she is writing a novel for adults. To say I am giddy with excitement would be a severe understatement. Like everyone else in the world, I loved the Harry Potter books, got lost in the stories, wished I were a wizard (yes, as an adult – whatever, don’t pretend you didn’t), marveled at Rowling’s imagination, and hungered for more each time I finished one. I am beyond excited to read her next novel. I'm hoping it’ll captivate me just like Harry Potter did because right now, I am in serious need of a good page-turner.

It’s no secret I love to read. Part of this blog is even dedicated to that passion. I love finding a book I can’t put down, that I think about all day long, and get completely and utterly lost in. I can’t wait to finish it and yet I don’t want it to end. I finish and instantly become depressed. No other book will ever intrigue me like this one. No other book will captivate me like it did. No other book will be as good. But books like this are rare. Say what you will about the Twilight books, they were page turners. I couldn’t stop thinking about them during work, out with friends, while driving. More times than I’d like to admit, I arrived home from the train station not knowing how I had gotten there, because I had been so lost in Twilight daydreams while driving. The same goes for The Hunger Games, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and The Help, to name a few. I’ve read a good number of books since I put those down and have enjoyed many of them, but none have captivated me like those did. So hearing this news about a new Rowling book has me jumping up and down with glee. I have high hopes for Rowling's new book, but in the meantime, I need something else to read. Any suggestions?

A Surprise

Duke left me a nice little surprise in my gym bag this afternoon: his favorite toy, a ball of tin foil. He hides his foil ball in our shoes, under the bed, under the radiator, under the rug, so seeing his toy in my gym bag this afternoon made me laugh out loud - drawing stares from the other women in the locker room.

What Do You See?

Source: mmht.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest