Have you ever bought something just because you felt bad NOT buying something? I've been there. Too many times. I'm too nice. I know I am. I want to please everyone, all the time. So, when I'm shopping for something in particular, I usually refrain from asking for help or advice in a store because I end up feeling terrible if I don't buy something. In May, I was looking for a dress for my bachelorette party. We were going salsa dancing, so I wanted something fun, but not too restrictive, different, but not weird. I went into a store on my way out of the mall after a particularly unsuccessful shopping trip and was met by a sweet, helpful salesgirl, about my age. I explained to her what I was looking for and she came back with piles of dresses and shoes. I was overwhelmed by how genuinely excited she seemed to be helping me, but let's just say we didn't have the same tastes in dresses. Most of the dresses she brought over were matronly, or more flamenco, and less salsa. Or just plain ugly. I tried my best to hide my feelings about the dresses and thanked her profusely for her help. Each time I told her I didn't like a dress (or rather that it "was super cute, but didn't really look that great on me"), her face seemed to fall a little more. She was actually breaking my heart. It wasn't one of those "Oh no, I'm not getting a commission" sort of look. It was more "she doesn't like my taste. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing" looks. I swear, I almost bought something just to make her happy (and then return it later to another location). Has this ever happened to you? Please tell me it's not just me who avoids salespeople at all costs just so I don't have to hurt their feelings. I'm sure I read WAY too much into this and these people end up forgetting about me the second I leave the store, but I always worry that I'm hurting someone's feelings.
This overdeveloped sense of empathy is most problematic at craft fairs, or farmers markets, where the merchandise has actually been made by the seller. Typically, at these places, I follow the crowds, never going up to a stand by myself. This way, I avoid being singled out, having to smile politely, apologetically, and leave empty-handed. Normally, I hate crowds, but in these situations, I welcome them and the anonymity they promise.
There is a seasonal farmer's market in the next town over every Monday in the Spring, Summer, and early Fall. Two local farms have large stands, piled with watermelons, peaches, radishes, tomatoes, corn. One farm stand has lower prices than the other. Logic and simple math would tell you to buy from the cheaper farm stand, thus saving money. What do I do? I buy from both, every time. I tell myself it's because I'm trying to support local farmers and really, how could I choose between the two? But really, it's because I don't want to hurt one farmer's feelings by passing over their stand and going straight to the other. So, I buy peaches and tomatoes from one, watermelon and potatoes from the other.
This is why I started shopping more online. I actually prefer the tactile shopping experience of retail shopping, feeling the clothes, trying everything on. But online, there's no salesperson or vendor to disappoint. Although, now I return items much more often (usually in-store because it's easier), which causes another issue: that awkward situation wherein the cashier asks why you're returning it. I never know what to say. "I just didn't like it" just sounds mean. What is wrong with me?
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