The Bumbershoot

I have a love/hate relationship with umbrellas. I love that they keep me dry. I hate how awkward and annoying they are to carry. I have at least 4: one in the car at all times, one in my purse, one at the office, and one at home. Every time I walk past an umbrella stand, I have to stop and look at them. Have they invented a more ingenious way of keeping me dry yet? I’ve debated buying the huge, cumbersome golf umbrellas (surely those would keep me, and ten other people dry), and also the clear, bubble ones. I can’t decide if they’re super cute or super ridiculous.

In college, using umbrellas was just too much of a hassle. I tried wearing hoods or just putting my hair up and pretending not to care that I was soaked to the bone. Boston wind ruined every umbrella I had, except one: the fundraiser Lawrence High School Cardinal umbrella we sold my junior year. I guarded that one with my life.

While studying in Rome in college, I learned never to carry an umbrella. As soon as the first rain drop fell, men would appear from out of nowhere with tiny umbrellas hanging from their wrists. We were usually able to haggle them down to 3 euros a pop. Genius. I wish that would happen everywhere. How great it would be if you were just walking down the street in Princeton, you feel a raindrop, and poof! there’s some random man ready to save you with a $3 umbrella? The Italians have so many things right. We Americans have so much to learn.

As a commuter to NYC, I learned quickly that I needed to prepare for the elements. I bought snow boots, two pairs of wellies (one with a wedge heel and one without), a trench coat, a warm, puffy coat, gloves, etc. The umbrella became that useful, but annoying friend again. My one requirement for a new handbag was that it could fit my umbrella. Trying to juggle a handbag, work bag, coffee, and umbrella and still stay dry is not easy, let me tell you. I’ve tried in vain to find a cute trench coat with a hood (if anyone finds one, please send me the link), and so the umbrella has remained ever present in my wardrobe, mocking me. "I’ll keep you dry", it seems to say, "but I won’t make it easy for you."

I am aware umbrellas are cumbersome and sometimes ridiculous. But they’re useful. At least I think so. For as long as I’ve known him, Kurt has never used an umbrella. “Real men don’t use umbrellas”, has always been his mantra. I’ve always thought it was silly. “Real men” would rather be soaked all day, or ruin a good suit, than be seen carrying an umbrella. I thought he was just being stubborn. But today, I saw this: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04181/338865-154.stm. This writer makes some hilarious points about umbrellas and machismo. Good to know I’ve married a “real man.” I was worried.